Tomorrow I will find out if I'll have a rather special visitor for next Friday. Until today, I had pretty much dismissed the idea of it happening, since circumstances did not seem encouraging. Today, I found out the liklihood was closer to the possible. My habit on such things is to assume the worst, so I can be pleasantly surprised instead of bitterly disappointed. In spite of myself, I cannot help but hope it will happen. I can't be detached about it, for some reason. Maybe it's because I'm no longer a detached kind of guy. I'd rather feel both the hope and the disappointment than nothing at all.

I'm not sure why this possible visit is getting me so hyped up. We're not talking romance here, in spite of the insinuating remarks made by some people (who shall remain nameless...) Frankly, I don't know her well enough, really, to say I have romantic feelings. And, at this point in my life, I'm not looking for that. Don't get me wrong, she's a lovely, attractive person, and I find her incredibly interesting, on a variety of levels. Online we have a great deal of fun together. I've been really flattered by the gestures she's made towards me as well. Her inviting me into her wonderful circle of friends and associates, for instance. Or, the fact that she even is considering taking this trip, never mind if she actually takes it. What a compliment this is!

I sense such a curiosity and receptiveness to her, that I'm really drawn in. And she's fearless, utterly fearless, perhaps to fault. There is something compelling about her. I can see more cool-headed people looking at either one of us, her or I, and saying "You are going to visit, and stay in the home, of a person you know how?" And the only response I would have to that is "No, really, you can get an intuition about a person, and I just feel I know her." Then you get the look from the person like you have three heads, and they tsk-tsk-tsk you, and assume you'll never been seen from again. But all I keep thinking about is she has given me so much in such a short time, that all I want to do is repay her for that. I want to make sure she has nothing but a great time. My not-so-secret agenda is to get to know her even better, because what I've seen in the brief time we've had so far is just too intriguing.

I am savoring this moment, for right now, the future is absolutely pregnant with possibilities. I really don't know what will happen next. And, actually, I like that feeling.

I bet that if I successfully invent a device that will prevent people from updating their web sites after too much rich food and fine wine, I may achieve some degree of financial success. Either that, or I'll prevent myself from making all too candid posts in the future... Watch this space for future developments.

Oh, and James, thank you for the good belly laugh. Stand your ground and keep those academic wankers in line!

posted 2:05 AM | link |