In Dependence Day

Warning: Sex talk ahead.

I know I'm pushing my own boundaries when I find myself doing things that I'm not sure I want to write about. In spite of general consensus otherwise, I don't actually tell the world everything. But, it is true that I do try to do that, which is made easier by being devoid of a sense of good taste or propriety. There are a few disclosures I've opted not to make here, mostly because they feel very intimate. I'd rather explicitly choose to share them with people face to face, rather than here. They also tend to be rather silly, immaterial things to anyone other than myself, so I figure there's no harm in not mentioning a little detail or two about the twisted weirdness inside my head.

It's different when I don't want to write about something because I actually am embarrassed. Now I know people might find it hard to believe I actually am capable of being embarrassed, and sometimes I think that too. Being a kinkster definitely teaches you a lot about being embarrassed. It's amazing the shit you just stop worrying about, which is hugely empowering. Being able to walk by your doorman in full fetish regalia and walk down the street and hail a cab teaches you how silly it is to be embarrassed in the first place. And, having done that, I'm a lot less inclined to even worry about what other people think in more typical social situations. It's really liberating.

Not that I ever was inclined to worry about what others think in the first place, but it's pretty hard for me to get embarrassed in a social situation now. Hard, but not impossible.

SM isn't just about sex for me. It's about self-awareness, and growth. You don't learn about yourself unless you push into uncomfortable places, and SM is wonderful because another person can help do the pushing. When I accept Conny's collar, it's not just about fun and games. Submitting to her is also a form of freedom. While collared, I'm not supposed to hold anything back, so that part of me that self-censors or hesitates has an excuse to shut up for a while.

For instance, last week, shortly after Conny collared me, she gave me an assignment: write down three things I would love to have done to me, and write down three things I would "hate" to have done to me. Now, in the context of the assignment, the three things I hate should be things within my limits, but just barely.

I did the assignment, and gave her the list with some trepidation. I didn't fib or waffle. But I did realize I didn't really want to admit to anyone other than Conny what I told her.

Don't bother trying to imagine bizarre things so twisted they'd embarrass even me. The stuff I listed was pretty common kink stuff, really. (Alright, common among kinky people, anyway.) But my own hesitation in sharing that list here was revealing. As "out" as I am, when I start touching upon the more obscure kinks, I start to lose my nerve in explaining them to the vanilla world.

On top of that, my sister was visiting, and while you'd think that wouldn't be related to pushing boundaries, it is. Last December, when I went to visit my Mom and my sister, I had a chance to catch up with my sister. Between me being in Bermuda and her being in Dublin, a lot of time had passed.

My sister was telling me about when she came back to the U.S., and got a house, and had a live-in "girl." As she told the story, she dropped a few other key words that a person in the scene would use.

"Was this woman your live-in submissive?" I asked, interrupting.

She chuckled, and said, "Well, umm, yeah."

My oh my. We are pervy family, it seems. So we both confessed to each other, and were both stunned. Her scene name is "Spider" and she's been playing for about 10 years, quite actively. Needless to say, after that, we both had a lot to talk about.

So on this recent visit to New York, she mentioned that she had never been to Paddles, and would like to go. We made plans for Conny, my sister Spider, Neville and I to get some dinner and go to Paddles. Yes, I was going to go to an SM club, with my sister.

What was weird about the idea is part of me felt it should be weird, but it didn't really feel that way. It's no weirder than going on a double date with a sibling, really. Conny and I talked about our plans and intentions beforehand. We were going just to socialize, not to play. I told Conny that I would be okay playing, if the mood hit us, but I didn't care either way. Neither of us is into public play that much, so it wouldn't matter.

That was the thought anyway. What happened was different.

Neville had been delayed and missed dinner with us, so he was going to meet up with us later at Paddles. After dinner, we came back to the apartment so I could change into something a bit more Paddles-appropriate, like my PVC pants, Doc Martens and tight, sheer black shirt. The ladies were dressed nicely, but low-key, so they didn't need to change. Just in case, I also packed our toy bag with a few goodies, in case the spirit moved us. Once I felt properly attired, we hailed a cab and headed to Paddles. Paddles was very busy, since the night had been a special party for an online SM group. I gave Spider the tour, and we took in various scenes and we chatted with a few people.

One thing Conny and I lack in both our apartments is a means to bind a person standing, with arms suspended. This is a great position to work someone over. At Paddles, there are a number of places where you can do this. So, I asked Conny to try it on me, just to get a sense for it. No big deal, right?

So while Conny is winching up my arms high above my head, leaving me perched on my toes, my sister Spider is chatting with someone. Conny gets inspired and pulls my pants down, though I'm wearing my now infamous little rubber pouch under it. She spins me around, and begins working over my backside with a small leather paddles, which, prior to this night, I always felt wasn't very menacing. I now have great respect for that little paddle, as my bruised backside can attest.

As I'm getting my licks from my lady, I see that the guy Spider was talking to is up on platform I'm on, which has room for two people to be restrained. He strips, totally naked, and my sister secures the guy.

So now my sister is topping some guy next to me, while I'm getting topped by Conny.

I learned two things during this exercise.

1. It wasn't a big deal at all
2. My sister is a sadistic top (and I mean that as compliment)

The gentleman she was topping loved every moment of it, and I can say that confidently, since he was in no position to conceal his excitement. Spider put clothespins in strategic places, including the guy's hard-on, and used a crop to great effect.

After I made a wise-ass but good natured comment to Spider about her bottom's visible delight, Conny shoved a gag in my mouth, and from that point on, I was much more worried about my own butt than what was going on next to me.

Conny let me down, and I composed myself and watched Spider finish up her scene. Shortly after that, Neville showed up, as well as friends of Conny and mine, J and Topknot. It was quite amusing to be able introduce them to "Spider, my sister."

It seems my family is a regular Kink Family Robinson. We all had a great time.
posted 10:31 PM | link |