Seeing the future

It's cover-your-ass time in Washington! You've got Tom Ridge and Donald Rumsfeld and Robert Mueller all now doing their best Nostradamus act, and all signs point to some acts of terrorism eventually happening, no matter what we do. I'm glad my tax dollars are hard at work, providing me with this kind of useful information.

Along these lines, Nosuch Prediction Technology offers you it's first "terrorscope". More accurate than a horoscope, more useful, and just as much fun!

Aries
You will cross paths with someone who will get hurt by a terrorist. It might not happen right away, though. Give it time.

Taurus
Terrorists will inconvenience you in some way or other, though it might be a very, very small way. Could be big too.

Gemini
A terrorist plot will either blow up your house, your job, or nothing at all.

Cancer
This is a good day for terror, so be extra careful.

Leo
Someone will act strangely, causing you to be concerned they may be a terrorist. They probably aren't, but you can never be sure.

Virgo
Cool it romantically today, as thoughts of terrorism may impair your ability to perform in the sack.

Libra
When you least expect terror, expect it. Or the other way around.

Scorpio
There will be a false alarm regarding a terrorist attack, followed by an attack that there was no warning for. Soon. Probably.

Sagittarius
Wear comfortable shoes today, in case you need to flee from a terrorist attack.

Capricorn
Check around the house today for signs of terrorist conspiracies. You may get lucky.

Aquarius
A loud noise will startle you today. It will not be a terrorist attack, in most cases.

Pieces
That odd smell will turn out to be a cleaning product, and not nerve gas. Unless it kills you.
posted 10:45 PM | link |