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Sometimes the lectures at TES are dreadfully boring. Sometimes, they're intense, with a demo that has people on the edges of their seats. Tuesday's lecture, on Teasing & Denial (of orgasm) had a man standing on stage, speaking clear sentences on the value of doms using the sub's need to please, against the sub's personal need for orgasm. Clear explanations they were, interspersed with raving maniacally in short bursts. Alex made the evening really, really fun.

He prefaced his evening with a disclaimer: "I'm not a sex therapist; I'm just a guy who's into this stuff." Then he recited textbook definitions of teasing and of denial.

Among the reasons for a top to make a bottom wait for sweet, blest release:

• Helplessness and the power exchange that comes with that.
  
• The eventual intense release.
  
• The victim becomes more aware of the sensual aspects of his/her body over that time spent waiting for permission to cum.
  
• Doms can use denial and teasing with denial as a motivator.
  
• It's a long, lonnnnnng form of foreplay. It's possibly the only kind of foreplay that can take weeks!

Denial is a consensual activity. Without agreement from the sub, there is no possibility of success. And it's upsetting to many people. Definitely want to negotiate through this topic before playing.

Find out the subs turn-ons and turn-offs. Perhaps that can be done in negotiation, but it's more fun to find them out while exploring in play. That's probably the time that your sub will be most true to their own hottest fantasies, anyway.

Alex noted that, once the process has been played out one time, it gets easier for the dom each consecutive ime you two play this game. However, this is NOT to say that it gets easier for the sub.

He got into the tools of the trade, such as blindfolds and other sense deprivers, TENS units, menthol cream, ginger (a little goes a long way), or perhaps a remote vibrator. He told stories of successes and failures with almost every one of those toys/tools. He also emphasized the need for lube; "You don't want to grind their naughty stuff off!"

Alex clearly has had lots of experience with his beautiful wife Connie, as they recounted a few more stories in the post-lecture TES Circle. During that time and during the lecture itself, he went into meticulous detail, telling what mindset the top's got to have; giving recountings, all punctuated by putting words to what's going on in the mind of the top or sub during the long periods of denial.

It's a real pity that so few people turned up on this fifteen-Fahrenheit night. They missed a ton of fun. I hope Alex will return and do more seminars, because they are not to be missed.